Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Change is in the air

      There's just something about the last week of summer before school starts. There's a bittersweet tug to slow down and linger a bit. We opted to take a late family vacation this year to the High Country of North Carolina. We stumbled upon a lovely swimming hole beneath a plunging waterfall at Elk Falls. As I watched the kids leap into the air for a cold plunge, it was as if all time stopped. There was only this moment in the sun, flash frozen by the splash.

Savannah and Freckles, the leopard gecko,
on the way to Texas

     I heard it in one word.  After 1,232 miles, pulling a u-haul across six states, reading Harry Potter aloud in the car to pass the time, the move began to happen when I heard Savannah refer to "my" apartment.  Then, the University of Texas became “my” school and Austin  “my” city.  It’s when you begin to accept the newness and claim it, that change begins to happen.  
     Even with a lot of grief and anxiety in the mix, a fresh start opens up unexpected possibilities and dreams.  Let's hope Freckles is ready.

     I made this cake weeks ago, dark chocolate with buttercream frosting, all from scratch. It was heavenly. That was before I started tracking everything I eat. I decided when I turned 35 that I have to stop eating like someone half my age, unless I want the health problems of someone twice my age. The necessary weight loss is happening, but not nearly quickly enough, and I have to fight for every ounce. The weeks when I work out until I am exhausted and achy are the weeks I will lose a pound or two. The other weeks, when I just need a break, I will maintain, or maybe even gain. It is demoralizing. Now in the past two weeks, I've reached a plateau. It seems no matter what I do, the scale won't budge. And God help me, I just want to go back to eating chocolate cake. I think about it all the time. I've even had dreams about it. I am an addict in withdrawal. Every little thing gets on my nerves. My patience is paper thin. All I want is sugar. Sugar. SUGAR. But as I keep telling myself, several times an hour, what we want isn't often what we need.


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