Showing posts with label ordinary spirituality. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ordinary spirituality. Show all posts

Saturday, April 6, 2013

Tombstones, wood storks and breathing room


     What do I want people to say about me after I die? Do you ever think about things like that, or am I just really morbid? Maybe it's because death is something I encounter all the time as a hospital chaplain. Or maybe it's because Easter got me thinking about death and all that comes after it. There's also the fact that I recently met up with family for a trip to Savannah, where we visited Bonaventure Cemetery. My aunt Sharon is an amateur photographer, and the ancient tombstones and moss draped trees gave her lots of potential pictures. I enjoyed reading the narrative inscriptions on centuries-old headstones, like this one: 
      "The religion of the cross she understood with uncommon discernment and regarded it in her life with humility and with reverence. On her death bed she found its consolation with delightful peace and hope, and at the close of a distressing disease fell into a sweet sleep and left the world without a struggle. Fair stranger, mayest thou live and die in the same manner." 
        Apart from the distressing disease part, I would be pretty happy if that could be written on my tombstone (or in my obituary, since I plan to be cremated). It's one of the best epitaphs this "fair stranger" has ever read.

SS
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      I find myself becoming enchanted with the idea of breathing room.  In our 24/7 wifi connected lives, with our ipads and our smart phones, we are always on, typing, reading, listening, working, playing absurd games on tiny screens.  Our daily schedules are so busy that finding time for coffee with a friend turns into a calendar challenge.    I find myself savoring the moments when all the beeping, winking gadgets are turned off, nothing is scheduled and I can just breathe.   I've started scheduling myself a few hours here and there just to be.  I pull up an hour on my digital calendar and label it "breathing room."  It's an hour of free space - to turn off the phone and the computer and sit on the back porch or walk on the beach.   It's time to breathe.

AF

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Blessings in the Unexpected
      A friend of mine noticed the beautiful dogwoods blooming in winter chill winds and remarked, “Oh, it’s a dogwood winter.” I had never heard that particular expression, but liked it and decided to go in search of a dogwood photo at one of my favorite local parks. I walked and walked, passing camellia and azalea blossoms battling out the transition from winter to spring. Nowhere could I find a single blooming dogwood. Resigned to look elsewhere, I started on a path back home and stopped to observe an unusually large egret. Inching closer, I found it actually was a wood stork with its hideous vulture head topping a delicate plume of white and black feathers like some kind of dinosaur bird hybrid. I’m used to seeing these birds in Florida, but not so much here. 
      As I left the park wondering where to go to get my dogwood tree, I realized I already had my blog topic. When I let go of my expectation and saw the blessing before me, the reptilian head started growing on me. I decided to let go of my expectations and dwell on the stork’s blessing. 
     I found out this remarkable creature with its five-foot wingspan puts its open bill in the water and waits for the touch of a wandering fish. When it feels a fish, it can snap its bill shut in as little as 25 milliseconds, which according to National Geographic is an incredibly quick reaction time matched by few other vertebrates. Who knew? What a great spiritual metaphor about being still and waiting when it’s time for that and lightning quick to action when it’s time for that. I usually have it in reverse. I fail to wait on God and jump headlong into a situation and often when I sense the spirit moving me, I hem and haw too long.
        To me Easter in part is about opening to how Jesus surprises us and shows up unexpectedly. It’s about seeing the blessings in not getting the expected, about how an ugly little vulture head can grow on you.

DB

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Colors and kisses


"For lack of attention, a thousand forms of loveliness elude us every day."
                                                                                    ~ Evelyn Underhill


The home renovations continue.  I’ve decided I want the job of naming paint colors. What thing of beauty does this small square of color bring to mind? 

willow wind 
summer mist
whipped apricot
cosmic cream
sand swept
tangerine zing
olive marinade
revere pewter
paris mint
panacea
morning zen
plum martini
grassy field

The walls are ready for a new coat of paint - a clean slate, sanded, spackled and primed with fresh white paint.  New loveliness is waiting ...  as soon as I decide if I want azure snow or green tea latte. 

AF
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I wear the right color,
In hopes that external sign
Will change internal reality.
If I cover all my laziness,
Selfishness, doubt, fear,
In layers of purple,
Can I come closer
To repentance?

SS
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Blowing Kisses
        My 9-year-old asked me recently what a stud was.
        I hate those kinds of questions. How to answer?
        “It’s a large nail,” I answer, trying to think of the less complicated response. His two older brothers look at me and smirk. Ah, yes, they know the other meaning, of course, and are waiting to see if I’ll be honest with him.
        “There’s also another meaning,” I start, but then begin to fumble. How to explain the words hot and sexy? Why is there this reluctance to have our children grow up - to be initiated into the land of adult lingo and understanding. I grew up without YouTube or MTV, without this early exposure to sexuality and violence. It is a part of my kids’ fabric of life, rushing the loss of innocence.
        My youngest son asking the stud question is the most independent, yet he still blows a kiss to me each day from the sidewalk where I drop him off to school. One of his brothers said he should stop - that other kids will start to tease him. I shake my head, and tell them to let him be. We have all the time in the world to grow up. We forget to be the age we are.
         He has all the time in the world to be a stud. Just not today. But still, I explain the word. He smiles slyly, nodding that’s the definition he sought. Then he lights into song, ‘I’m sexy and I know it.’     
        I can’t help but smile. I see the young man he’s becoming. I can only comfort myself by words from writer Anne Lamont describing her adjustment to her son’s maturity - that in his face she can see every age that he ever was. It’s the gift of motherhood that we were allowed in for all those peeks and that we can still see all those pieces and parts - even when they grow up and are well-masked by adulthood.

DB